Cheated Spouse

hi infrared,
i think it is quite obvious what has happened. i have read about how people cover up lies or best techniques for covering up misdeed. one psychological factor is to tell part truth, especially admitting to fault much lenient to the actual deed. using this method to deflect others' focus on actual deed to the admitted deed. in any case, even if he cant explain away from the admitted deed, its still too minor to be punished. hence chapter closed. in fact, u can see if there is any tell-tale sign through his behaviour and if he has any change in attitude. if so, get a pi to check him locally first. if there are indication, then see if it is necessary to check him oversea.
 


She is not a counsellor.. in my eyes she is a prostitute..

Actually I hv not confronted my hub. I dun wan to give him the benefit of doubt..

He din know I chk his hp n saw sleazy msg.

I wan to find out all the truth n slap him with it. I dun wan to give him the chance to lie..

However I need to know is my instinct correct?
 
hi infrared,
i understand this only happened overseas and only once. do you have any indication that he also fling in sg? if not then it is pointless to check on him. if u really want to get a pi to check on him u should be discreet when u check on his hp. if he suspect u checking on him, he may cover his tract and further check on him can be more tedious.
 
I also scare he suspect me chking him and cover his track...

From his msg although he chat a lot with other girls but he never requested them to come out meet or what. Only when he oversea that period I saw that he asked one particular girl out once and is to his, hostel. After that I saw a lot of msg arranging for meet up but the girl is also travelling around. So so far they never meet in sg. Hmmm... actually I enquire some PI already.. keep on standby 1st in case I need it urgently.

So far his attitude same.. treat me n my kid and his parents well.. btw I'm living together with his folks... and he still carelessly left his hp around and never bother to secretly msg ppl..

So I was thinking if he is guilty he will keep his hp well right? And secretly msg ppl right?
 
looks like he is just being guys - playful. u can be right that he may not be guilty or careless. probably he never expect u would check on his hp?? anyway, being playful in this manner could be harmful to your marriage. i suppose he needed some discipline in this department. however, do not confront him with what u knew when chidding. bear in mind, a fox in prowling is always cunning, u need to be wise too.
 
Playful? That's a gd word... but it is so unfair to me...

I din even suspect anything until one fine day I caught him looking at porn as I was home early. But dunno y, instead of confronting him, I actually walked away silently... after tat I start to see his hp and find sleazy msg like hi dear how r u today? Or r u horny etc...

Maybe he did not do anything wrong but I keep my finger crossed...

Which men can resist a paid 'feast' in front of him?
 
well yes. i believed that those girls are prostitute. nowadays there are too many websites that provide proatitution advertising. in the first place, he is the one who started contacting them. its natural that they solicit for biz. however, being the initiator confirmed that he has the intention. whether it has happened or not is still not acceptable. if he dont stop all.these nonsense, whats the use of checking on him. he has to realise that this is playing with fire and can get burned. u can try talking to him. let him know u care about this issue and not quarrel over this. win your man back by being understanding. he will love you more and realise his mistakes. best regards to you...
 
Sigh... but its not easy. When I look at him I only feel anger... I have been scrimping and scrapping every cents to lessen his burden yet he never blink when he paid $100 to her for her service. Everyday I wear worst than a factory worker to work. And this is what I get?

His money is his money, my money is our money?

Jus feel anger only...

Let me cool down before talking to him..

Yea u r right, no point checking on him if he is the initiator...

But I dunno how long I need to cool down...
 
hi infrared,
m i glad to hear u being positive. u r great! read earlier post by "sane". i think she is very correct. take up some gym class, improve yourself, feel sexy and good. learn to enjoy yourself and pamper yourself a little more. do not let yourself linger in those tots anymore. its a matter of perspective. your tots will convert to behaviour, then become action unknowingly, which is disastrous. the world may crumple upon you but you have to remain poise and elegant. that is maturity. learn to forgive and you will be happier cos you achieved a higher realm in cultivating a better self. he will change when he realised that you are so super. he will be afraid to lose you.. hope u will be successful and all the best for your future endeavour. remember, keep your cool and smile even if u tripped and fall. be the sweetest woman in the world. cheers.....
 
Hi ladies,

I am a guy here and I'm undergoing the painful process of divorce. I read that most of you are holding on to your marriage because of your children. Thank god I don't have to go through this but I understand how all of you must have felt upon discovering about your spouse cheating behind your backs.
I myself paid for the very air ticket for my wife to run off to another country with another guy. I saw her holding hands with a second one with my own eyes after we decided to give our marriage a second chance. She told me from her own lips that she has been having sex with them, yet reassured me that she only has a boyfriend inside out marriage at any one time.
I saw this web page and I believe it will help if you girls read it. (http://m.crosswalk.com/family/marri...use-should-i-divorce-or-try-to-reconcile.html). Try to seek professional help before deciding on anything. But never suffer alone. New age women don't need men to survive.
 
Hi ladies,

I totally understand how you felt and the deep hurt in your heart, just like a thousand knives cutting through your heart.

Just to share this book with you, I read this book, Karma of Love, 100 answers for your relationship. This will help to solve all kinds of relationship problem using ancient wisdom from Tibet.

And you will discover happiness for you and your family.
 
Hi all. I am new here. Of all the threads I am in, being new, I am here. The first stop being a post about PI.

Anyway, I suspect my hub is cheating on me with a female colleague in camp. It isn't his first time, but I managed to nip it in the bud twice. This time round, he probably got clever and only do it at work, in camp. Where I can't trace nor track. Nothing fishy on his phone, coz he knows I check his phone.

But his behavior at home says it all. I dont even know what to feel. Am I angry? No, not really. Am I sad...well, not really too. I don't know what sort of feelings I have for him. We've been married for 20+ years, kids are teens now. I guess I am still with him coz he pays the bills and the kids education. To quote a song lyric : We're not making love anymore. Haven't for months already. We dont talk unless necessary. Am I still in love with him? I can't answer that honestly. I don't know.

But I still want to know if he is having an affair - which instincts says yes, but he sure will say no and I got nothing to show proof of it. Kinda sucks really.

Didn't know so many people would stay in a marriage for just for kids sake. I always thought I wouldn't, before I got married. Now here I am. Like I am stuck in this heavy heavy traffic jam. I can't gostan, I can't go forward either. And I don't know what is causing the jam infront coz I can't see through the heavy traffic. I am just sitting in the car, with the driver, none of us are talking.

is your initials SM???
 
Hi, I understand your pain. Try listen to this, it's in chinese. I hope this will help you to understand and ease your pain:

1. Understand the cause and effect your husband going to bear in future. Of course, no evil thoughts, but this will let you understand what he is doing is wrong and he is going to face consequence in future. For you, you just need to focus to continue to do good.

Go to youtube and search for: "《和諧拯救危機》系列二 第六集:恣情縱欲的代價"

2. Secondly, you need to find peace in your own heart and go for higher wisdom

Go to youtube and search for: "净空法师谈: 丈夫有外遇,要如何?" and "如何在娑婆世界快速提升修行"

3. Thirdly, understand how to have a good marriage and learn from it:

Go to youtube and search for: "离婚是否命中注定" and "淨空法師答同修提問:如何求得美滿姻緣"

4. If you have a hard time sleeping, like your husband surfing and message til very late at night. It's very painful to your heart, try listen to:

Go to youtube and search for: "心經 清新版 (藏音)"

Meanwhile, you have stand firm and cultivate yourself. All the best, may the peace be with you.
 
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Hi Wendy, I'm here to help and just share what I do. I'm a mother of 2 and married for 10 years. I had gone through the stage of crying, desperate, PI etc.. You see in life, we need to look deeper and understand and support people who are in the same situation.

If this is not the answer for you, it might be an answer for someone else. Try reading moorspa7 messages, she is very wise too. So please speak with grace. Good Luck Wendy.
 
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hi michslle,

first let me apologise for the harsh comment..

i understand and applaud that you are trying to help. your kindness and well intention to assist people in lightening their sufferings is great benevolence.

however, i see a more danger side in your advice.

u mentioned that "actually theres nothing much we can do" and "...wait for the husband to realise..." where in fact there are many things we can do. one example is to guide the straying spouse to the path of enlightenment. do you agree? if you do not know how to do it, that does not mean there is nothing much you can do. seek help is another way.

a person who is weak in emotion and have not grasp buddhist studies to a certain level may feel hopelessness after reading your advice. people who are in depression may turn suicidal for they feel that since there is nothing else that they could do. (do you see the danger now)

i myself is a devout practicing buddhist too and have read buddhist scriptures extensively and in depth. seeking inner peace needs understanding of universal logic through immense concentration before being able to grasp the teaching. likewise for the practice of forgiveness, benevolence and universal love. it is not attainable by superstitiously listening blindly to sung scriptures or profound preaching by holy monks when you dont even know the basics. (that is why i mention superficial - sorry i dont mean to repeat it). can you see the point here.

lets not discuss religion here anymore. i hope that everyone can benefit from this forum and it is a learning experience for everyone including me.

your intention is clearly sincere, trying to help and i hope you practice more care in delivering help as there are too many vunerable souls here that need cateful attention.

thank you and i seek your benevolence in forgiving my prudence.

缘起缘灭 乃无明所起 以无无明所灭
种种因缘集合而成乃无自性 无自性乃无常无我乃空性也
 
Thank you :) Try reading moorspa7, taitai and sane. They give very good and wise advices. :)

Have a good day, Wendy :)
 
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Hi
Lately like a week ago, I found out that my husband had cheated on me. He say it throught his mouth. We have a happy family. I just gave birth to my 2nd baby and she is jus few month old now. My elder boy is in nursery. I never noticed any changes in him till he confessed to me. The news really hit me strong and hard as all along we never quarrel. He has been a doting husband during my pregnancy and good father. Now he confessed. I ask him what he want to do.
He say he cant leave the other side. Coz he reali love her and no more feeling for me. At this moment when I am typing this, I already accept the facts. My tears has dry up. My heart got numb. But my heart still hurting everyday. He ask me for a divorce every min n seconds. He claim he want to move on and get a better 2nd half since I still young. I didn’t want to divorce. I wanted him to return but he say he cant. He will file separation himself. He stressing me everyday. Some days I get affected but some days not.
Everyday is a torture for me. I endure coz of my 2 young kids, I want to give them a complete family.
 
Rene_rene,

Take care of yrself now. I didn't take care of myself then and my kids suffered emotionally. They are fine now, as I improved myself and we became closer. You hv to take care of yrself physically, mentally and emotionally. If u hv 10-20 min to spare, do meditation in the morning or at night when the kids are asleep. You do not want to divorce him, don't. No one can make you do the things that u don't want to. Don't give in to him just cos he pressure u to divorce everyday. He must hv been pressured by the other woman to divorce u. Shut him out of yr mind when he does that, it takes practise. I hv a friend who was in a similar situation, she didn't divorce her husband and they are still together although things are not the same as before.

U feel numb cos u are protecting yrself by shutting off emotionally, but in actual fact u are hurting very badly. It is ok to feel sad, angry but u need to let it out otherwise bottling up yr feelings can do more harm to yr body. Destress by listening to relaxing music, you can find a lot of meditation music in YouTube. Remember to destress. Talk to a friend, you will feel better. I am speaking from personal experience. Peace to u. Stay strong.
 
Hi moorspa7

Thanks for your advice. U are right to the dot. its true that I numb myself so that I will not get emotionally hurt again. I have not seen him for 1 week, he only come hm and send my elder to sch and bring him back home. sometime he stay awhile but most of the time he jus went to the other side I guess. I am afraid to see him too. When weekend come, I will need to pretend to be strong in front of him. but deep dwn im not.

how long does you take to recover? im sorry if I dig upon ur wound again. but I need support who has overcome it. Ppl with happy marriage duno. they think I shld jus ignore him. that all. but they duno I suffering like hell every single day.

Still need to remain happy and take care of my kids.
 
Hi moorspa7

Thanks for your advice. U are right to the dot. its true that I numb myself so that I will not get emotionally hurt again. I have not seen him for 1 week, he only come hm and send my elder to sch and bring him back home. sometime he stay awhile but most of the time he jus went to the other side I guess. I am afraid to see him too. When weekend come, I will need to pretend to be strong in front of him. but deep dwn im not.

how long does you take to recover? im sorry if I dig upon ur wound again. but I need support who has overcome it. Ppl with happy marriage duno. they think I shld jus ignore him. that all. but they duno I suffering like hell every single day.

Still need to remain happy and take care of my kids.

So he had not been helping out with the house and with taking care of the kids? That's very irresponsible of him. In cases of divorce, both parties need to show how they perform their duties as parents. Neglecting the kids is a big no-no.
 
are u working too? does he contribute to household expenses? give him more responsilities.. make sure he spend time with kids and u go out. keep him home for long hours. and especially his finance, enroll the kid for more classes and make him pay. before divorce, better increase your expenses alot so he scared to divorce u. get all the best stuff for the children. drain his finance, if not tow also spend them. y should u allow her to?!
 
Rene_rene,
-
What creamdonut and Wendy ho pointed out are important points, make yr husband take responsibility for caring the kids as well. Don't do everything by yrself. You need time out. I am still recovering though my husband stop cheating but he did not improve at all. I was already unhappy before he betrayed me, before and after betrayal, nothing has changed. Like what Wendy wrote, make him pay for everything esp for the kids, he has the responsibility. When a man has extra cash on hands, they spent somewhere else to make themselves happy. Yr husband has taken u for granted, esp if u helped out with the expenses whether u are working or not. I helped with the expenses even though I was not working like Chinese medicine fees for myself and the kids, thinking that he has paid a lot for utility bills, conservancy fees and miscellaneous fees for the house.

Never did I thought he would hv extra cash to visit prostitute when our marriage was not doing well. He never told me he had a raise which I only found out later. When his misdeed was found out, I made him pay for almost everything including Chinese medicine fees and enrichment class. You need to save for emergencies, u never know when u will need it. Maybe u might decide to divorce one day when the marriage still don't work out.

Yr wound is raw, and it hurts the most. It'll slowly get better as time passes by but it will still hurt but not as much as before. You need to to be positive and know IT IS NOT YR FAULT that he cheated on u, no matter what. 2 yrs ago, I'll break down if I shared my broken marriage with others, but not now. You tell yrself to be strong, and even without him, you still can be a whole person full of love. It takes time, I had a lot of ups and downs, roller coaster emotions and it was hell. You must tell yrself to be strong and I must say I am not the same person as before. I am evolving, however, change is not easy cos sometimes u can be yr old self again. I find women need to be more assertive, smarter & observant to realize the change in their spouses. That's what I hv learnt, I am still learning though.

It is normal to hv emotional ups and downs during yr recovery, once you know yrself well, you will know how to bounce back. It takes time and practice. Most importantly, u must nurse yr wounds. I went through the long and hard way. Meditation is one way to give yr mind a rest, you can do deep breathing exercises during meditation. Try listening to guided mediation in you tube. I hv been listening to it once I found relaxing music in YouTube. Do what is best for u to take yr mind off the marriage, u need to empty out the thoughts and rest yr mind.
 
I ever had a gf who confided in me... that her ex hub cheated on her when she was pregnant with #2. In fact when she was pregnant with #1, he had already been seeking attention on friendster etc.

By the time #2 was 1 years old (older child was then 3) she filed for divorce.

Her ex was paying for everything since he was much older than her n she was only 21, n was still studying. She didnt ask for custody cos of the finances. Her family isn't well off either.

But 1 thing it still doesn't make sense to me, her ex doesn't have $$$ n with 2 kids in tow yet the 3rd party stuck with him for a few years, since she was preggy with #1.. I told my gf to squeeze him dry but she said he doesn't have much. His pay was 3k then he had to support the kids plus car.
 
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Starlights,

It is very simple, the third party didn't stay with yr girlfriend's ex husband for money. If it was money, she would not hv stayed with him for long. It depends on what is the motivation of the other woman to stay with a married man, maybe she really love him and willing to do anything for him but it will come with a consequence. It is never easy to stay with a divorced man with kids, there will be conflicts as the kids grow older. They will hv their own set of problems in future.
 
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Moorspa,

Maybe it was true love... bleah! But the home wrecker didn't stay with him for long. I think she grew up n realised her folly. A young n naive 18yo.

Whenever i think of that man I wana puke. Think he is just plain itchy cos he always preyed on young girls around 17~18yo...should be easier to manipulate or bluff lo.

Anyway many years had past n my gf is now 30. Her ex is nearly 40.
She said her ex had moved on to have other gfs...Now current 1 is a foreigner...she knew it from her kids. Geez. Some men just never change huh.
 
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Starlights,

Thanks for sharing, I get a clearer picture now. It is good that yr girlfriend still keep contact with her kids, but it is not healthy for the kids emotionally when the father is a playboy. Kids are always the victims when parents are divorced. You are right, younger girls are easy to bluff unless they are street smart. I admire yr girlfriend for hving the courage to leave the kids with the father n divorce him. Not many women can do that, she was taking care of her emotional health when she divorced him.
 
Moorspa,
Just imagine at that point of time if u were only 21, n was still studying for a degree n ur family isn't quite well off but they still support u to study in uniSim...That time didn't have much govt grant for working adults so it's a hefty 30k+ loan. It would be a real pity to give up uni isn't it...just 2 years more n she would graduate.

That time poly freshie pay was only 1500 so she really don't have the means to support them.

My gf was someone who believed in "live for love" then...but then again what do u expect for a 18yo then...naive lo...fell prey to a man 9 years older. Both her n the home wrecker were 18 when they met her ex...just in different time line. Geez.

But anyway being a mother is for life la, so what she could do is to bond with them over the weekends.

Sometimes I forget n ask her about the kids I always get a shock...i always thought they r small ma.
Time flies, the elder 1 is now 11, n the younger kid is now 9...
 
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Starlights,

The good is thing is yr friend is able to see her kids and bond with them, some mothers hv difficulty seeing their kids as what I hv read from the forum. Time really flies. I think yr friend's belief in "live for love" is right and healthy. I learnt something new. I find yr friend is wise to make a decision for her age at that time. At that age, I wouldn't know what to do.
 
Dear rene_rene,

I totally understand how you feel and in the same situation like you. My husband forces me to sign divorce paper every single day too. It really very painful and it driving me crazy and almost depression... Do your best to find a friend who can listen and support you positively. The truth is No one can force us to sign the paper. If you do not know what you want, do not decide on anything until your heart and mind calm down and find your purpose then you decide. For now, please do not decide on anything, focus on healing yourself.

I totally agree with moorspa7. I was very lucky that I have a lot of angels helping me with my husband cheating and pointed me to the right direction. And I'm recovering fine and found back my purpose in life.

Please focus on yourself and heal yourself as your kids can feel your feelings. Initially, when my kids are crying and there is a change in my kids behavior. So it's important to heal yourself first. I understand it's very difficult now for you as your heart is deeply hurt. Remember our children need us and they will learn good values from us.

Best is go for guided mediation and yoga. It will help you to find back your purpose and happiness. Another book you can read is Karma Of Love (Question 57). It will helps us to understand our husband cheating and solve most of our relationship problem.

Whenever you feel depressed, bring your mind back and think of happy things like happy times with your children and family and friends. This is what I did with my children, me and my mother-in-law teaches them "Di Zi Gui" and every night, my kids and me will share with each other the 3 good things we did for the day.

When your mind draft away, do your best to be aware and pull back to the moment. Initially, I could go blank for whole day and my kids will ask me, "mommy are you here?" And mommy why are you sad. And I just told them I love them. Please stay strong, our children need us to provide guidance and love to them so that they will have a beautiful future.

We never what to be trapped in the hurt and 80 yrs we still feel hurt and miserable and unhappy and wasted our beautiful away.
 
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3 weeks ago, my friend hired local private investigator in batam and yesterday she told me the PI gave her bad news about her husband... the PI gave her alot of photos and I saw those pics too... wow... now i am thinking about it and she recommended me this PI, batampi.jimdo.com
 
Hi Charms

PM if you still need.

How are everyone? Moorspa, creamdonut, wendy ho?

4mth had passed. 2mth of his disappearance.. nvr paid a single cent.

I started to learn to live and manage my own life. Tc my own kids. In fact, i want to get a divorce now. I tink i can live happier with him around. But he doesn't want to agree with my T&C. So nothing done.
 
hi rene_rene,

good to hear from u again. m glad to know u r coping well. i m so proud of u! keep it up!

regarding the divorce, u can proceed without him agreeing to your t&c. i would say he is irresponsible and dont have any right to bargain. however, i think u will need to prove his mia as reason for divorce.

i understand what u are going through and its definitely tough to manage everything o uour own, stay strong rene, is anyone giving you any support?
 
hi wendy,

Thanks!!!!

I wanted to but he v thick skinned and say that he will contest my divorce and use my lawyer. So cheapo.

Now im staying with my in laws. both of kids are in infant and childcare. their expenses I have been paying. every cents I nd to fork. damn sian.

and the worst was he took the bb bonus cash gift which was credited to his account which I totally forgotten it. Karma will find him definitely.
 
hi rene,

u should get evidence of his adultery and tell him off. if he choose to contest tell him u will drag in tow and shame her in court.

anyway, u should consider u and the kids welfare first. make sure he has no more access to your money.

btw, its not wise to drag on as he could go into heavy debt, and u as his legal spouse could be implicated.

hope u make a decision fast on your next course of action.

good luck.
 
Hi dear, I think I can fully understand what u have & is goin thru. My husband too jus left home after an affair. We've been together for 11 yrs including 5 yrs of marriage. He has been with the OW for ard 2 yrs. I'm his 2nd marriage. When I knew him, he's in the midst of divorce with his first wife. He told me that becos of his long workin hrs, his ex wife turned to clubbin & cheated on him (which I suppose is the other way round now). He'd been nice to me until our son who is 4 yrs old now turned 2. He began to come home late many nights claimin that it's work. I discovered his affair when he caught by police for illegal moneylending in 2012. That was when I found items in his car to tell me that they'd been havin rendezvous at hotels. I stood by him, be his bailor, attended all court hearings with him till the day he was sentenced. He was sentenced to 6 mths of imprisonment. During this 6 mths, I wrote to him & nv miss any visit to him. In the letters tat he wrote to me, he promised to leave the OW & we would start anew. When he was in prison, I toiled to make payments to banks & sustain his car for him. Bt when he was out for less than 6 mths, he was in contact with her again. Things turned worse this yr. He started tellin me tat he's nt takin Offdays as it reduces his chance of sellin (he's a sales) & I believed him. He started comin back late many nites a wk. he would come back at 3,4am the nite before then go out at 7+am on my offday. He sent me to work every mornin on my workdays & would pick me after work (although some nites he didn't) Bt I didn't expect tat he had taken off secretly to go out with her every now & then when I only get a few of his Offdays in a yr. it's when I called his ofc tat I discovered tis. He would text her in the toilet every nite for more than 30 mins. Bt wouldn't allow me to text or call him in the day. He will find reasons to find fault with me Bt I endured. Cos I wanted a complete family for my son. Bt when even family outings, he would show an unhappy face & Bt satisfied with watever me & son did, I knew I had totally lost him. I flew up one night & confronted him. He told me he can't leave the OW. & he had no more love for me. He's stayin only becos of responsibility tats y he's always showin me a f*** face & attitude when home. & nv get intimate with me cos there's no feelings. I let him leave the house to live the life he wants to (with the OW I guess). It's been 2wks since he left. He still keep in touch with me sayin that he will still give me maintainance. Bt he's definitely nt aware that all the hurt & insults to me, will nv heal.
 
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hi wendy,

Thanks!!!!

I wanted to but he v thick skinned and say that he will contest my divorce and use my lawyer. So cheapo.

Now im staying with my in laws. both of kids are in infant and childcare. their expenses I have been paying. every cents I nd to fork. damn sian.

and the worst was he took the bb bonus cash gift which was credited to his account which I totally forgotten it. Karma will find him definitely.

if he want to use your lawyer to contest, he also need to pay for his share...
and if he want to contest, i believe he cant use your lawyer...
where gt one court use one lawyer for defend and attack de o_O
 
My husband too jus left home after an affair. We've been together for 11 yrs including 5 yrs of marriage. He has been with the OW for ard 2 yrs. I'm his 2nd marriage. When I knew him, he's in the midst of divorce with his first wife. ... ...It's been 2wks since he left. He still keep in touch with me sayin that he will still give me maintainance. Bt he's definitely nt aware that all the hurt & insults to me, will nv heal.
前世你辜负他了,今世就一副贱骨头了。学佛的,女性比男性多很多。

女孩子学佛后,来世就做男的。男的做坏以后,下辈子就做女人了。
 
Lawyer s dun cm cheap so try Legal aid or DIY which is what am doing.. I file for maintenance and nw fighting him for axillary, house and kids. It takes only $10 to file for maintenance however.. Hmmm ..I believe you are both married otherwise you can't claim maintenance or divorce. In other words, nothing you can do gal.
 
Lawyer s dun cm cheap so try Legal aid or DIY which is what am doing.. I file for maintenance and nw fighting him for axillary, house and kids. It takes only $10 to file for maintenance however.. Hmmm ..I believe you are both married otherwise you can't claim maintenance or divorce. In other words, nothing you can do gal.
R u representating yourself in court without a solicitor?
 
Hi puzzlensad, how are things your end? Let me know if you need help or advise... You are not alone in this shit ...I also sama sama
 
Hi, I'm new here.
Just realized my husband of 7+years went on dating apps to chat with other gals & even met up with one to have dinner & drinks. PI took pics of them holding hands and after I confront HB with the pic, he said he need time to think & he's not sure if he still love me & how to mend the relationship.

I gave him some time & space (we r staying in diff rooms now) and after 1.5mths, now he says he still wants the family & want to speak to a counsellor. He insisted he's no longer in touch with the gal & request for me to give him more time to sort out his thoughts. We have 2 young children & he had previous incidents of chatting with Chinese gals on Wechat & having fun with his guy frens. But he's a good family man so I gave him chances time & again.

What is marriage? Is it really commitment - till death do us part & love is secondary? I can't accept it if my HB don't love me anymore & is staying because of family commitment. Is it possible for his love tank to be depleted & filled out again over time?

Financially I'm independent & I've spoken to the lawyer & know exactly how to kickstart the divorce procedures. I should be very angry with him but instead I'm feeling sad & disappointed. I still feel love for HB & think of the good times (I think I'm in denial).

How to decide when it's really over & divorce is imminent versus giving him another chance?
 
How to decide when it's really over & divorce is imminent versus giving him another chance?
is all depend whether do you still want the family....and do you (not only your hubby) want to put in hardwork to make it work

alot of gals i know, in the beginning they immediately file for seperation, they went thru all the hating, cursing and swearing.. and it is very normal.... once i just step into my office, my gf called me to tell me she cannot take it anymore and want to commit suicide.. you cant imagine the face of my MD when i told him i need to take urgent leave when i just step foot into the office...

my friend went thru alot of... lucky the hubby realized his mistake and want to get the family to work.. they went for marriage conselling.. not those 1 hr type twice per week.. is those hardcore drilling 5D4N type... after the conselling, of course they didnt get back immediately.. they still have to come back to "renew" conselling, after months turn to years, my friend finally forgive him.. now they are happy family and her hubby learns to cherish her alot..

you can file for seperation, why not? do whatever stuff you need so that you can clear out the frustration... you need to get rid of the negativity stuffs before you can work on saving the marriage
 


Hi all,

I had found out my hb cheating on me only last year, but he claimed not of cos. we had married for 8 year, with 2 kids, elder 5 yrs old and the younger only 7 mths.

I found out through his message, but he denied and giving me lots of excuses, after confront with the girl, she told me tat my hb telling her tat he "like" her; subsequently I found out also he paid for sex service when he travelled overseas.

Early this year, I found out he travelled with another girl which he claimed is the colleague of his fren who travelled tgt, but saw the msg that girl calling him "dear".

I tried to confront him, but too bad without any "proof" tat can make him confess; now I wonder shld I hire a PI to check on him and start to file for divorce or shld I continue the marriage with him for sake of both my kids. In fact, my heart had been broken since the first found out, till now alrdy numb, just that I still wonder what shld I do cos I don't wan to be regret one day. I donno how deep is his affair now... Is it possible for a men to "love" 2 girls at the same time?

Any good and cheap PI to recommend? May be I shld check out how is his affair before I decide anything?
 

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