Support group - Miscarriages


Princessleopard: thks for the info & sharing. We are oso shocked at the 1st scan after d&c, I reckon tat is not common at all. My Gynae considered at least top 20 in sg I believe, as much as we are not comfortable bt we refused to take it as she's incompetent or something. Cos we tot nobody can be perfect even a saint might not be 100% pure.

We only take it as it comes life is not a bed of roses we bound to have ups & dwns; perhaps tis is realli our most dwn bound period, after tis we shall be able to bounce all the way up n all good things shall come to us fr time to time? We can only pray.

Jus feel unfair why all shitty tings only goes to ladies? Can't god pass on some responsibilities n pains to guys like us instead? This is a family affair n yet wifey is the only one who's taking it physically plus mentally too! Not fair at all!

As for the chao du tingy we really know nuts abt it, also dunno how to handle. 1 bad ting now oso is after 3rounds, 6pills inserted still no sign of bleeding, jus pure cramps & cramps. Really hope to see red soon.

Worried Thor
 
Princessleopard: thks for the info & sharing. We are oso shocked at the 1st scan after d&c, I reckon tat is not common at all. My Gynae considered at least top 20 in sg I believe, as much as we are not comfortable bt we refused to take it as she's incompetent or something. Cos we tot nobody can be perfect even a saint might not be 100% pure.

We only take it as it comes life is not a bed of roses we bound to have ups & dwns; perhaps tis is realli our most dwn bound period, after tis we shall be able to bounce all the way up n all good things shall come to us fr time to time? We can only pray.

Jus feel unfair why all shitty tings only goes to ladies? Can't god pass on some responsibilities n pains to guys like us instead? This is a family affair n yet wifey is the only one who's taking it physically plus mentally too! Not fair at all!

As for the chao du tingy we really know nuts abt it, also dunno how to handle. 1 bad ting now oso is after 3rounds, 6pills inserted still no sign of bleeding, jus pure cramps & cramps. Really hope to see red soon.

Worried Thor

Ya, I also dunno chao du, so I ask in forum for recommendation and just pick a temple near my house.

How many doses gynae give? That time for natural mc, I took the pills and 生化汤 (recommended by tcm) together to aid the process.
 
Nope my gynae can only give mc but i used up my mc.

So, you are suppose to report to work tomorrow? I am worried if it will be difficult to manage if you are at work. For me, back then the cramps was really bad, esp just before the sac is about to flow out. Maybe take urgent leave or mc?
 
So, you are suppose to report to work tomorrow? I am worried if it will be difficult to manage if you are at work. For me, back then the cramps was really bad, esp just before the sac is about to flow out. Maybe take urgent leave or mc?
Yup going to take leave. Do u know which gynae can give HL?
 
J Yap, my previous mc was a natural one too. I was spotting and light bleeding for days before the real action took place. So I reckon you may or may not expel tomorrow.

The cramping to me was mild. Nothing too bothering. But it was the moment the sac passed out where you would likely feel emotional affected. For me, fortunately I was reaching home when it happened so I could wash myself up and cried myself to sleep.

So this mc is going to be a process for you...I suggest take some days off from work. You do not need to bed rest but at least if the expelling is happening, you won't be at work to handle the emotional part. Take care.
 
J Yap, my previous mc was a natural one too. I was spotting and light bleeding for days before the real action took place. So I reckon you may or may not expel tomorrow.

The cramping to me was mild. Nothing too bothering. But it was the moment the sac passed out where you would likely feel emotional affected. For me, fortunately I was reaching home when it happened so I could wash myself up and cried myself to sleep.

So this mc is going to be a process for you...I suggest take some days off from work. You do not need to bed rest but at least if the expelling is happening, you won't be at work to handle the emotional part. Take care.
My first mc was also spotting a few days with some cramps until the blob of cells passed out. But this case din even see the sac during scan. The current one is about 6 weeks plus so I guess will be different. I will stay at home just in case the cramps are bad.
 
my 2nd natural MC also never clear properly. it dragged for 3/4 weeks, then I went to see my gynae, she did a very long vscan which shows that I did not expel all. Then she gave me some gastric pills to create cramps then I started bleeding the next day, clear up like AF, 7 day only.

For my case, it is only 5+ weeks, can't see any sac during my v scan and I was bleeding at tt time already.

If you are going thru a few pads in a couple of hours, that is quite bad bleeding, must go see A&E. This was advise by the nurse.
 
my 2nd natural MC also never clear properly. it dragged for 3/4 weeks, then I went to see my gynae, she did a very long vscan which shows that I did not expel all. Then she gave me some gastric pills to create cramps then I started bleeding the next day, clear up like AF, 7 day only.

For my case, it is only 5+ weeks, can't see any sac during my v scan and I was bleeding at tt time already.

If you are going thru a few pads in a couple of hours, that is quite bad bleeding, must go see A&E. This was advise by the nurse.
Hi girl, how long it takes u for your af to report after ur natural mc?
 
This is my last week of break before heading back to work.

I have been staying very positive for the last two weeks. I thought i'm ok until last night when my hubby suddenly asked me to tag along when he meet up with his friend and family nearby.

His wife asked me what happened and i can reply everything as if it doesn't affected me much and i have let it go. However when she said the next one will be soon for me, i felt abit insulted. People who have no problem conceiving will not know what we went thru. I know my ivf pregnancy can't be compared with her 3 natural pregnancies but i don't know i just don't feel good.

Until we went back home, get ready to sleep, that's when i break down and cried.

The feeling is like actually i had tried hard to bury this incident deep in my heart. But when people asked me about it and the process of mc, the feeling is much more hurtful and pain after recalling and saying it out. My hubby just don't understand. He thinks im just feeling bad.

Well, i guess last night shall be the last time i will talk about it.
 
Meiling, sometimes ppl are just not good in words when comes to.comforting especially if they dun know we are gg thru ivf to concieve.. just have to let it go n cry out whenever u feel like it n rem ur angel is always in ur heart.
 
Meiling don't let her comment affect you. Don't even let her make you feel insulted. I always believe these people do care. But just don't know how to word it. I have to say most of the times such comments are stupid. (I've also read some people in this forum who bfped sprouting nonsense). Sorry to say these. But i just feel we don't need such insensitivity to affect us. Most importantly you may like to tell yourself you're in the right track and allow yourself and your hubby be paced comfortably in this ttc. A lot of things have to do with fate. So I believe. So, good luck and make peace with the journey.
 
This is my last week of break before heading back to work.

I have been staying very positive for the last two weeks. I thought i'm ok until last night when my hubby suddenly asked me to tag along when he meet up with his friend and family nearby.

His wife asked me what happened and i can reply everything as if it doesn't affected me much and i have let it go. However when she said the next one will be soon for me, i felt abit insulted. People who have no problem conceiving will not know what we went thru. I know my ivf pregnancy can't be compared with her 3 natural pregnancies but i don't know i just don't feel good.

Until we went back home, get ready to sleep, that's when i break down and cried.

The feeling is like actually i had tried hard to bury this incident deep in my heart. But when people asked me about it and the process of mc, the feeling is much more hurtful and pain after recalling and saying it out. My hubby just don't understand. He thinks im just feeling bad.

Well, i guess last night shall be the last time i will talk about it.

Dun feel bad about those comments. Sometimes we thought we had moved on, but we can be easily affected by little things around us. Not that we had not moved on, but we are ultimately human beings after all. We had emotions. 2 weeks is still rather short to get over the whole episode, give yourself more time. If you think this kind of situation is difficult to handle, then avoid them altogether for the time being.

Stay Strong!
 
This is my last week of break before heading back to work.

I have been staying very positive for the last two weeks. I thought i'm ok until last night when my hubby suddenly asked me to tag along when he meet up with his friend and family nearby.

His wife asked me what happened and i can reply everything as if it doesn't affected me much and i have let it go. However when she said the next one will be soon for me, i felt abit insulted. People who have no problem conceiving will not know what we went thru. I know my ivf pregnancy can't be compared with her 3 natural pregnancies but i don't know i just don't feel good.

Until we went back home, get ready to sleep, that's when i break down and cried.

The feeling is like actually i had tried hard to bury this incident deep in my heart. But when people asked me about it and the process of mc, the feeling is much more hurtful and pain after recalling and saying it out. My hubby just don't understand. He thinks im just feeling bad.

Well, i guess last night shall be the last time i will talk about it.

Totally understand where you going through. Just like when I talk to those who pregnant easily and they just tell you "be positive, and keep trying" or just ask "when is your turn". It is like a slap in the face. It is easier said than done to be positive. Especially all of us here had to gone through the disappointment, frustration and sadness when "majority" the women out there had a happy and easy pregnancy. We all know that they meant well but we may not feel that way. Even after 3 months, I still find it difficult to explain to my friends without feeling sad.

Like what the other ladies said, you have the little one in your heart. Remember the good and forget about the bad. Just ignore those ignorant comments.

Vent out whenever you feel like it. We will all be supportive.
 
Actually, what do you expect the pregnant ones to say? I think its hard to console a friend who is undergoing M/C when you yourself are pregnant, you're treading so carefully and when you say " don't give up and try again, I'm here to listen ...." and they still get offended, it'll prob means they'll get offended at everything. No?

Sometimes, these mummies don't mean it in a bad way at all.
 
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Well, I can't say I truly understand the emotions. I guess "Take Care" is neutral, letting the person know you're there for them is also good.

I myself am pregnant and my close friend had recently another M/C and whenever she asked me about my pregnancy, I don't dare to say much. It's just difficult on my part to show concern as well. That's what I'm saying. I'm afraid I may accidentally say something that'll offend her. And yet, I don't want to come across like I don't want to tell her stuff because of the whole situation.
 
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This is my last week of break before heading back to work.

I have been staying very positive for the last two weeks. I thought i'm ok until last night when my hubby suddenly asked me to tag along when he meet up with his friend and family nearby.

His wife asked me what happened and i can reply everything as if it doesn't affected me much and i have let it go. However when she said the next one will be soon for me, i felt abit insulted. People who have no problem conceiving will not know what we went thru. I know my ivf pregnancy can't be compared with her 3 natural pregnancies but i don't know i just don't feel good.

Until we went back home, get ready to sleep, that's when i break down and cried.

The feeling is like actually i had tried hard to bury this incident deep in my heart. But when people asked me about it and the process of mc, the feeling is much more hurtful and pain after recalling and saying it out. My hubby just don't understand. He thinks im just feeling bad.

Well, i guess last night shall be the last time i will talk about it.
Hi babe, I can totally relate to you. I also thought I was ok abt 2 weeks after my mc. But one day when I was in cell group my leader told us to pray together in pairs abt our current situation. When I turned to my hubby, I simply broke down uncontrollably. I couldn't stop crying. the pain and hurt from the miscarriage just overwhelmed me all over again. I just cried and cried and told my hubby I cannot do this.... and he also broke down.
To be honest until now, I still can't help but think abt it. I didn't delete all the pregnancy apps and when I receive updates weekly I'll be reminded that I should alr be 12weeks pregnant by now if that didn't happened. ...
I also dunno when will I be really over or will it ever.. but I told my hubby I don't want this to be smthng we just forget abt it. So we did a proper closure and we agreed that we will remember this baby together cos he/she is our first child. Though we never get to know the baby but we thank God that we heard the little heartbeat and know that we are already parents.
Just wanna encourage you too and try not to bury your feelings. Pour it out if you need to. Find a way to communicate with your hubby abt how you feel. I'm sure it hurts him too but we feel it more cos we carry the baby and the burden feels like it's on us too.
 
Actually, what do you expect the pregnant ones to say? I think its hard to console a friend who is undergoing M/C when you yourself are pregnant, you're treading so carefully and when you say " don't give up and try again, I'm here to listen ...." and they still get offended, it'll prob means they'll get offended at everything. No?

Sometimes, these mummies don't mean it in a bad way at all.
Sometimes a simple I'm sorry you are going through this is more than enough. We don't need advice or what we shld do etc. Honestly, nobody can understand better than those who had truly gone through it themselves. That's why we are able to seek comfort in this forum knowing that we are not alone and that there are others who really understand how painful and emotionally traumatic it is.
 
ladies the pain will nvr go away. though im currently pregnant, I still get reminded of my mcs and cry. becoz I will think of them as the many siblings to my existing pregnancy. its been 3 years since I had my first lost, and one year for 4 losses. I just hope my angels are watching over us and letting me give them a living sibling.

the issue with ppl who has nvr been thru this, is they don't know how to console and don't know what to say. they didn't know that not saying anything is actually better for us. so just bear with it, their intentions are good.

I believed if we have nvr gone thru this, we probably might be like them, will say try again, ur turn will be here etc. if they have not been thru this, they probably wont read our threads and realized we don't need them to say anything.

just my 2cents worth, going thru mc so many times, does make me realized ppl do care but they cannot express it in the way we liked them to.
 
When I was back to office after my confinement leave from my mc, one of my colleagues simply told me "welcome back". I thought that was very nice of him. I wasn't ready nor wanna talk about my whole mc experience of course. It was surely good to be back to work. And i agree with hazel. We ain't seeking advice from a pregnant friend. Unless we open up to ask.
 
Nope. "Take care" is all's needed. Not everything is insensitive.
I agree. Best is to say take care. Then keep quiet. Dont ask or even mentioned about it. Actually ladies who undergo mc just need quiet time. I have insensitive colleague that made me sob on my first day of work. Kept forcing me to explain what ops i am gg thru. I rather being left alone during this period of time.
 
I agree. Best is to say take care. Then keep quiet. Dont ask or even mentioned about it. Actually ladies who undergo mc just need quiet time. I have insensitive colleague that made me sob on my first day of work. Kept forcing me to explain what ops i am gg thru. I rather being left alone during this period of time.
these people are Kpo and irritating not the concern ones. I actually told some of kpos off. to not say anything coz I don't want to talk. my boss was also very nice to set the stage ready for me when I get back. she says I refused to say so don't ask. and no one come and bother me.
 
Yup, I agree some are just plain irritating. Tell them you don't wanna talk about it.

I think most can tell who are sincere and who are the auntie type that just ask and then prob gossip after.
 
these people are Kpo and irritating not the concern ones. I actually told some of kpos off. to not say anything coz I don't want to talk. my boss was also very nice to set the stage ready for me when I get back. she says I refused to say so don't ask. and no one come and bother me.
Your boss so nice. My boss is the one who asked me to tell my manager n immed sup so that all the job can resumed as usual. Then my immed sup so kpo kept saying common normal la n we ladies can talk this topic. Pls lor in the 1st place she still young don even married says till like expert. Making my blood boil only.
 
Yup, I agree some are just plain irritating. Tell them you don't wanna talk about it.

I think most can tell who are sincere and who are the auntie type that just ask and then prob gossip after.
To me from there we can know who is kpo kpo can't be bothered n we are just col. So just don wish to talk to them it is our own private matter.
 
yup, i realised most ppl's intention r gd.. just tt they dunno how to say it.. so even if they touched a sensitive spot, didn't really fault them..
 
these people are Kpo and irritating not the concern ones. I actually told some of kpos off. to not say anything coz I don't want to talk. my boss was also very nice to set the stage ready for me when I get back. she says I refused to say so don't ask. and no one come and bother me.

Your boss is really nice. Mine was opposite, for both times, she was the one who spread that I am preggy when I told her not to till I pass 1st trimester, and also tells around that I got mc. I dunno what she said to my colleagues but she left them all coming to me for answers when I returned to work. Very terrible times back then.
 
Your boss is really nice. Mine was opposite, for both times, she was the one who spread that I am preggy when I told her not to till I pass 1st trimester, and also tells around that I got mc. I dunno what she said to my colleagues but she left them all coming to me for answers when I returned to work. Very terrible times back then.
ya my boss was very nice. she really just shut them up. and she even shut my bigger boss mouth up. she told her if u want to know u ask her urself.
so she came to ask me. but big boss I say lah. say liao she diam diam nvr say much, she is a mother of 3 and I guess mature enough to know when to shut up.

rest of my colleagues just diam diam and business as usual. like as if I nvr go on mc.
 
Ya sometimes is better to leave us alone. I'm glad that I don't get to meet a lot of people since I'm a sahm. Ya just some simple kind words are good enough.

Is really not easy esp when the weekly application update me weekly that I'm 10 week pregnant this week. Haiz... I purposely went to read one of my friend's fb who happen to hv a stillborn around the same time when I mc. Is terribly sad. I try to drown myself i her sadness n cry. Telling myself that she needs our prays to stay strong. Like many of u mention we will never forget that we ever had this child that we mc. Is always in our heart forever.
 
Hopeful mum......can I check with you how early do you test for your recent pregnancy? I too had 3 miscarriages. I am 7 days away from my menses period.
 
ya my boss was very nice. she really just shut them up. and she even shut my bigger boss mouth up. she told her if u want to know u ask her urself.
so she came to ask me. but big boss I say lah. say liao she diam diam nvr say much, she is a mother of 3 and I guess mature enough to know when to shut up.

rest of my colleagues just diam diam and business as usual. like as if I nvr go on mc.

Its really fate to meet good boss or bad ones. You are so fortunate!
 
When I just return to work after my MC, my bosses just came over for a while and check if my health is ok and ask me to take more rest if I need. After that, business as usual and never brought it up again. My colleagues the same as well, they have not asked me anything since I return. My workplace has slowly become a place for me take my mind off the negative thoughts and focus on other stuff in the office. So I guess in a way, it is good for me to recover slowly and move on smoothly. In a way, work is good for me. Although initially struggled a bit, because I can't control my emotions but slowly it gets better.
 
Your boss is really nice. Mine was opposite, for both times, she was the one who spread that I am preggy when I told her not to till I pass 1st trimester, and also tells around that I got mc. I dunno what she said to my colleagues but she left them all coming to me for answers when I returned to work. Very terrible times back then.

Wah, it must be really hard for you to face the same questions over and over again. Not good.
 
Hi ladies.... I find my cycle abit haywire after my mc... my first AF came on the 24th day after mc den 14 days later my AF came again jz when I experienced some cramp and was expecting my ovulation to come on the 15th day... not sure if tat's normal? Kinda worried wad could hv cause the AF to come so soon...
 
Hi ladies.... I find my cycle abit haywire after my mc... my first AF came on the 24th day after mc den 14 days later my AF came again jz when I experienced some cramp and was expecting my ovulation to come on the 15th day... not sure if tat's normal? Kinda worried wad could hv cause the AF to come so soon...

It's normal for hormone to go a bit haywire after mc, it takes about 1-3 months to return to normal, depending on individual body condition. To play safe, you can call up clinic to check with gynae.
 
Its really fate to meet good boss or bad ones. You are so fortunate!
Yes. I was very fortunate.
My first mc at another work place. My boss is a man. But he is the most kpo gossip monger u can ever find! I believe the entire place knows what happened. He simply can't keep his mouth shut behind my backs. But I'm glad the rest of the ppl knows how to keep quiet and shut up. So maybe know also good won't come and ask me.
 
Yes. I was very fortunate.
My first mc at another work place. My boss is a man. But he is the most kpo gossip monger u can ever find! I believe the entire place knows what happened. He simply can't keep his mouth shut behind my backs. But I'm glad the rest of the ppl knows how to keep quiet and shut up. So maybe know also good won't come and ask me.

If only everyone can be more sensitive and knows when to open their mouths and when not to.
 



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