Help *** Need to vent anger

hi mommies

i had a mil that comes into my room freely!She don't know what is privacy!I hate it!She does it during confinement then after which it became a habit!I told her once but she said "i knock what"?What is the point when she knock but we did not acknowledge?she still open the door herself!Does that makes any diff?And if i lock the door she will kept knocking and turn the knob attempt to open!ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT THE HELL MAN?
 


Aiyo! Sounds so scary! Dun care lah, at least lock door you know she cannot just barge in. That's privacy ma!

I also headache...still thinking should I shift back to mum place for confinement. I think my mum will get along better with CL. And I heard CL dun do marketing one, so someone has to go buy those raw food from market based on what CL needs to cook. How to tell MIL go buy things right? Will be a lot easier when it is own mum. I can imagine the potential conflicts over cooking etc cos like they say 1 kitchen can only have 1 woman!
 
princess diamond
my mil did the same thing during confinement 4 #1..... damn irritating esp when i m bf-ing... or pumping... dunno what is wrong with her... wanna see my boobs is it?? (she had 1 breast removed due to cancer)... but not so siao as to keep turning the locked door lar

so u know wat i did??
i told my hb to do e same thing to her.. :p
it stopped immediately after that...

GG:
i think u go baq mother place better.. reason, u r her own daughter. she will understand u better n be more accomodating
 
hi taslyn,

sigh....She does that during confinement and till now my bb is 1yrs old liao!still like dat..
i dun wan her to turn the knob all the time cos no matter what she will still want me to open the door..So i i dun lock!the bloody noise is annoying and loud..everytime i decided to lock the door,her she comes and wake my bb up!
Headache!Looking for house now!Hope to have good news soon!And i make it a point to my hubby,Very LOUDLY i SAID...."can keep one weekend room for them if they come over the weekend and n intend to stay for A NIGHT"!Fingers and Toes crossed that they get the message!
My tolerance level is over!She is the type that wants her DIL to serve her type!Ain't not that type man!I can be nice but don't push her luck!
I hint to hubby sometimes but also didnt want him to worry too much while a work!Simple things like what i cooked for bb oso she want to intefere...
then say i dare not let bb eat the food she cooked!Then not happy only will turn to her sisters and nieces and guessed what next la....all the aunts and cousins will one by one visit us then hint to me this n that la..basically every damn thing i do at home,she knows and she will tell her sisters!Damn fed up!Hate it man!SHe is very nice b4 i got pregnant.Ever since im preggy,she is so kan cheing and paranoid.Glad that she concern but isn't it too much?
Where is my privacy man...and when hubby not around,her nonsense all out,when hubby around,she definitely is the MIL that everyone longed for!sigh sigh SIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
 
princess diamond..
hahaha
same lar? skali ur mil is related to mine... but no one dares to talk to me abt what MIL says, they only say to HB?
coz i m SAHM, mil conplain that i not working. not giving income etc, WTH... she dun wanna look after my ger (and i dun wan her to), but she can look after someone's bastard daughter (my's cousin kena abandon by BF at 6mths, then gave birth n MIL be saint n adopt 1 kid.. the kid is now 2.5yo , but this is another story)

to me, my mil is a devil, gossip with neighbours ard, calling my hb useless guy who let his wife control, stupid etc... n she will purposely talk to them at the corridor (my rm is along corridor) so that i can hear lor!... super pissed de..

best part is recently during ching ming, my hb cousins (imagine more than 10 of them) ganged up and ask him what he was doing, y let wife control him... y dun ask wife to work n leave bb in infant care etc!...
when i got news of this i was so bloody pissed lor.. who are they to poke their noses in my affairs? if i wanna stay home look after my ger, i dun see what is wrong with that.. surely i dun need their approval...

heng is my ger hates MIL.. dunno y... i never teach her.. she is too young at 8mths to know anyway... she crys when she see MIL, let alone let her carry, but my ger is totally okay when perfect strangers wanna carry her.. even indians, thais, etc... so i guess my ger can feel the vibes.. hehe

shall be moving out tonight after hb gets back to SG... PHEW!
n next time i move to my new house, she can forget abt even coming thru the gate.. will tell my maid to peep thru the cctv n act blur
 
yah so do mine! always barge in and out of the room, sometimes, when i'm at the midst of changing clothes! then, later on, she knocked before coming in, but, they are like knock and come in at the same time... then's what's the point?

If lock door, then complain this and that, even hb also join in the 'fun'. sigh

I'm quite amaze with that generation, like to wayang and well. i can get 100s of people, saying, wow, she's very good person, she this this that that... i was like, so please lah, if she's such nice person, why, she treat her husband and family so badly, and now to us as well.
 
jane
y dun lock when changing?
my MIL dare not barge into my rm liao..
sometime my ger cry or mi n hb talking, she will stand outside the door n listen... as such, we speak english so she dun understand what we talking...

aiya those pple dun stay with our PIL, they can say all they wan lar... heck lar..

if the house is in ur own name n if she is staying with u, then u can set ur rules, but if house belongs to them, then bo bian.. hv to tahan...
 
whenever i lock door, they nagged.
yahloh, house is our name, right... we set our rules, right... there's some crazy people who lived into the house and think that the house is theirs... that explains why i was kicked out of the house one night, best part, i was pregnant.

Hubby managed to get me back in the house, and i already told myself, i will never ever forgive her for doing this... and even if i do, i will never forget what she had done.
 
jane
WTH... kick u out??? then ur hb never do anything meh?
if it is me, i will call police liao... after all, it is ur house mah...
ur mil win liao...
i dun see what is wrong with locking doors... it is ur own house, own room.. just heck n lock lar... ignore lor
 
that night i recalled, my hubby made me drive home to take a rest/nap while he stay to man the store. so, i drove back with my 2 children, with a packet of rice for dinner. when we open the door, my mil was sleeping in the living room. so, we tiptoed in, putting my rice in my bedroom hoping to take the dinner in my room with the children, without disturbing some other people's sleep. next thing i know, the devil woke up and shouted me. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" in mandarin and she's wide awake, doesn't look like she's having nightmare. so, in the fit of anger, i went back to my bedroom to retrieve my dinner and exited the place despite the children's crying because they are losing their mother AGAIN. went out only to see her whoever (a vistor) just came to our house.

Drove back to my store, threw that packet of rice to my hubby, told him, what's the point of chasing me back home to rest when i will be chased out of my own house anyway? then went out of the store to sit outside and stare at the home-going communters and envied that they have a home to go while i do not have.

Then my hb called that devil up, have a mini-argument with her. and that 'visitor' (who just reached my place that night just when i left) came to my store and offered me a ride back on his bike (remember i was pregnant), i refused to... first, is a motorbike. second, why should i go back to be chased out again? The reason offered for this frenzy: "she wants to bathe the kids, so she chased me out of the house". how many of you will believe this crappy reason, i wonder?

went house that night only with my hubby hours later of sitting out there in the cold without dinner. decided to pack my stuff and leave for good, hubby stopped me again... so here i am still stuck in that stupid house of mine.

anyway, last night, i was bathing with my 2YO, i locked my bathroom door and closed the shower door too (luckily i did). my 3YO wants to come in too to show me some colouring her had done... my hb actually attempted to open the bathroom door using a coin if i'm not wrong, they managed to open the door, only to get me barking at them, "WHERE IS YOUR MANNERS!?". well, it works...hee... let's see how long will it take to teach these people a lesson.
 
Jane,

OMG!This is so shocking!I wonder if she ever do this to her own kids?
Mine oso not any better..that's y waiting to buy a place n heck this bloody hell!
Other's always praised me for being able to stay w in law...hahaa!but nobody knows i got hell from these people!At first i thought i was having pre n post pregnancy blues..after awhile....the problems really lies on them!
Taslyn
u lucky gal..can move out!So happy for you!I think i will tolerate few more mths n hope to get a house by then!Yest my ger was sick..hubby get home and see me struggling with my ger!she gets cranky n was throwing tantrum.B4 hubby was home..nobody in the hall!All hiding in the room watch tv!Then when heard hubby cars parking outside,all dashed out n pretend to play w bb!See la...Whole morning,not even a soul ask me if i need help!Then hubby asked if i have eaten,then was already 5.30pm...i said loudly..i only hads a chance to have a sausage n pc of bread this morning!HB was shocked n ask how come nobody buy food for me?
Then my IL kept quiet!After dat whispering something to each other and hb quickly went out to buy food for me!Can die rite?So stay with IL for what?they can't take care of the adults n kids?so for what la??LOL
 
I agree with you princess. out here, there are people are asking, so you live with your mother-in-law, wow good for you. then i will usually correct them very firmly, i don't live with her, she live with us, then, just give a small smile and don't want to talk further. We are like swans, up there on the water, we are gentle and no big waves, below the water level, our legs are strugging like mad to keep ourselves afloat.

hahah, yah loh, what's the good staying with them, they usually don't even bother to keep themselves and their environment clean and neat, they throw everything attracting ants and roaches and expecting us to clean up after them. like the devil i have, sleeps and watch TV all day all night. wake up only to cook something nasty for the kids and herself which so far we just found out that only the dog appreciates her cooking LOL
 
Oh my god! So scary uh! Sigh, I cannot shift back mum place cos the place w won't be available.

Cham liao, dunno how it will be man...I dun even go back when I am on MC cos scared MIL ask me huh not working uh. Come confinement stay together the whole day with MIL I very scared a lot of conflicts also. Plus the CL will be 3 woman!
 
If you have CL, the CL is usually very expericed in handling these conflicts like this. And one more thing, if you engaged CL, and her roles are well defined (like is it to take of mother and child, whether is it include cooking, whether washing of your and baby's nakin and clothes (not all do all these, mind you)), she will be very professional about it and no one can interfere and complain about her. This is as far as i know from the fellow forum users here. So, if your CL is already confirmed and deposit paid, don't need to worry too much about the 3 women problem!

I nearly engaged one for my last confinement... but CL told me to ask my mil as a courtesy if she can be engaged, because she's going to spend one whole month staying in the house where mil also... sigh... obviously, the answer is a straight no, she (mil) rather spend the money on someone else way outside the family... see, this is the kind of mil i have... and we are not even asking her to pay for us!
In the end? I have to do the confinement myself and taking care of 2 older kids myself... don't ask me how i do it... the only thing i can say is, i was so tired that i rather book a hotel just to catch some winks of sleep!!
 
Hello mommies..

I had a same problem during confinement too!My 1st CL came an go after 1week!Buay tahan my MIL!This 1st CL has 20 over yrs of experienced and was reccomended by friends!My MIL instruct her to cook only 2 meals for me a day cos want me to sleep.HALO!rest also must eat rite?Then only east blend meal...mile cannot drink,water cannot drink,cannot shower and touch water..i asked..CAN I BRUSH TEETH AND RINSE MY MOUTH THEN???????Ridiculous!I believe in hygiene.then bb has jaundice,dunno put what dried flowers all over her bed!My CL really think she is crazy!So dangerous and ther isnt any scientific proofs!So silly!!I took all and throw it away!Then she buy somemore n put while bb asleep!Damn fed up i told her off after that she dare not but put those flowers in a small bag n place hung it at the bedside!&^%%#hahah..MIL giving too much restrictions and instructions!AND BLOODY SUPERTITIOUS AND ANNOYING!
2nd CL came and took over!She damn good!Very fierce young lady at her early 40's!A grandmother herself!She knows how to handle this kind of situation!At time she saw me upset and rolling my eyes,she will direct my MIL away and explained to her not all dialect group practices the same as you!Best!Of course MIL upset and not happy but what to do?She dunnno how to handle bb still wanna talk big!
My confinement ended with lots of anger,sleepless night,frustrations and crying!
ANd best part,My MIL suggest my HB to sleep separate room from me n bb afraid HB is disturb during his sleeps !F@#$% rite?sorry ladies...i don't mean to be rude and vulgar here...but i think these MIL's have a bloody big problems!
Thank go HB didn't agree and so does the CL!Cl said i need the most is HB now,that suggestions was absurd!hahha....the thought of having 2nd one is on hold till i found a place if not,will stop at 1!all her fault!
 
Hello all mommies...
I am also having lotsa problems with my MIL and i am still doing my confinement, can't wait for it to end. Actually my Mil did not really do confinement for me, all she does was to cook only, i look after my baby and hubby will bath baby and wash the bottles and clothings.(dare not as MIL to look after baby as she dun even know how to carry baby well). Everytime when she cook for me she will keep complain that meat very ex, veg very ex, fish very ex...etc like asking me for money. She will also keep asking me to feed baby FM, so tht is easier for her to take care next time, i told her i have EBM but she still think FM is easier. I dun care i continue to bfg baby. She also like to come into the room everytime when baby cry. Then keep saying we cannot let baby cry too long...but i have to clean myself as the weather too hot (not allow to on aircon) have to be clean before i feed ny baby so got to let baby cry for awhile. But when she help me to take care when i am eating or taking shower and baby cry she will keep saying tht sometimes we have to let baby cry for awhile, cannot always attend to baby when baby cry... funny right. She also keep reminding me tht one baby 1st mth if i am gg my mum house i have to return home by 7pm as baby too small very pantang to let baby come home...have to follow till baby 1 yrs old, but this coming fri she wan me to bring baby to show her friends during dinner ask me to go down at 8pm and try to stay there for as long as possible...wtf, she forgot her 7pm rule which is good for baby???? double standard. The worst of all is my baby have got g6pd, we try to explain and even printed out and ask doc from doctor in chinese to let her read so tht she know what are the food that baby cannot take next time. I really dunno tht is because she dun understand or is because she dun believe in us. She went to ask all aunty saying tht and come back to tell me say ppl say can eat... hello do those ppl know wht is g6pd? When will she believe or understand what is g6pd and is for life? then baby jaundice and PD ask me to go back every few days for review, then she comment that is because we keep bring the baby to check and keep saying baby has got jaundice which is why baby got jaundice... what is she talking abt??? u think i wan my baby to have jaundice??? Have been crying in my room since i started my confinement, very angry, sad and frustrated. Hubby was very worried and argue many times with MIL too, but i tried not to get him involve as their relationship is always bad now worst.
 
wanted to post reply last night, but was nearly caught by hubby, that why i delayed until now.

Gie, your situation is exactly what i had when i had my first child. And i admit that i have a servere case of post-natal blues because of this, and nearly went mental, even after i had my third child. So this is no joke, i advise of you.

Because of my mil, i had phobia every night, whenever any child cries, be it sick, hungry or went the bed.
because i scared that she will come in and snatch them away from me, and she will return them unless i 'kidnapped' my own children.

What i can do now which is the best option for me to keep myself SANE, is BO-CHAP and ignore the existence of her as far as i can. And best possible, let as many people know how hypocratic this devil in the angel suit is (with care, not everybody are friends), so let more people have empathy and one day, you will get spritual and physical help from them.
 
Hi! I am lucky to have mil to do confinement for me. She did a great job. Help me to boil the water for bath, help me to cook . However, talking about the bf the baby, I was very unhappy as she keep on saying that the baby hungry and not enough milk for the baby.She think the person who is thin cant have enough milk for the baby. Luckily, I am persistant with the bf ,which I m managed to bf for as long as 20 months.Staying with in law is no joke.Expecially, they required you to be like the one they wanted to.moreover, hubby(DH) will be side them no matter what.DH is the only son.I am having big problem to stay with them. Every movement I do will be control by them.Kids sick are my fault.Kids dont like to eat are my fault too. Bring kids out means I like to go out. As I am a working mother, I had been commented that I dont fullfil my duty as housewife.Imagine how difficult am I? So Iris, bare with it for short period. You are not staying with her, that should be fine.
 
hi Princess,

Would u recommend #2 confinement lady and would still have her contact number?

My MIL is fine.......ironically its my mother who really gave me headaches and since my sis will be delivering end of the yr, i hope to get her a good CL so to "ease off" the possible conflicts.
 
Hi mommies
Confinement like always very jialat. I very scared also. So far haven't told MIL about our plans for CL. And also haven't really started finding CL. But I can imagine sure got some problem lor. Imagine if CL only cook and take care of me and bb, she probably feel like spend so much $ just on us, though she not the one paying. Hubby and I agreed we will buy a fridge put own room during CL for BM etc so at least I wun stress MIL monitor me like a cow. But I think the problem of MIL coming into room all the time will happen, like u all say, when bb cry lor.
 
Hi Dippy,

Unfortunately i don't have her number.Did asked my hubby but he oso dunno?We got her from one chinese confinement agency!That was very last min due to my 1st CL sudden departure!I only know her name is Annie!hee..sorry ah..too much happening in the household,no time to chat n find out more about her!
GG
Some money are just not meant to be saved!If you know what i mean?That is exactly what my HB told me..Anyway,we didn't even informed my MIL we already get one till i discharged from hospital.She has no choice but to accept!
I really hate the part where when we BFg they will barge in the room as well as when bb starts crying.!After all these..i learnt how to say NO to them!Yes,a FIRM ,NO!
 
at least she listens when you give a firm no.
mine give me a deaf-ear and will start shouting at me in front of everyone if i refuses to give in. sigh. that's i adopt the ignore her existence mode.
 
hi mummies

been out of action for long time coz I was out of town. will be out of this sickening house tonight. kiss tata to pil...

now we thinking of migrating so pil cannot pretend n pop by n see grandkids. cannot tahan their nonsense of screaming as their way of communication or blantant use of profanities.

recently pil super nice to me.. maybe they think bb son coming out soon thus the change in attitude but damage is done, I gonna kiss them goodbye
 
lock the door ba, when bfg.

I also hated it when my SIL barged in and looked. I was like "harlo! I not doing a demo for bfg leh!"
 
Dear girls

Best way is to get CL to do all the stuff during confinement. Or a maid and then cater the confinement food coz maid sure dunno how to cook one. I catered with Natal Essentials and their food is really good but quite expensive lar. But no choice if u want peace of mind. I did this for my second child.

My 1st child my mum suddenly say she dun want to do the confinement liau after 2 weeks only. Leave me alone with hubby. We both newbie dunno what to do. In the end I alone have to take care BB, clean house and cook. Lucky I natural birth not so bad. But still stressed until I not enuff breast milk to feed BB. This 2nd child I kena emergency C-section, lucky I planned early for maid and confinement food delivery. No headache.
 
Taslyn,

Lucky you!If i can choose to migrate,i will definitely choose somewhere far far away!The further the better!LOL
Sigh..me happy too soon la...My MIL acting veyr weird lately again.Now like damn nice lor,everyday v helpful!Afraid that we move out won't bring her along wor...(which i got no intention at all)
Hmmm....she come out with such tactics i must come out mine too.HB suddenly said i might need her help in new place therefore........NO NO NO!!!
I can handle bb alone.i dun need her help,but these few weeks she has been acting very helpful n caring only when HB around,and when he is not,she is back to herself!HOw la?I told HB straight last nite!ME NOT STAYING WITH YOUR PARENT!
 
hi all mummies,

my mil oso the same. I got no choice but to stay with her cos waiting for our new build to order flat for at least 3yrs. She always like to meddle with what i do, how i help my ger bath, feed her all this minor things. She told me to let my ger sit walker and dun carry too many times. But she always carry and when i want to hug my ger, she ask me to let her sit walker. Isnt it obvious? When i feed my ger she say i spill the whole place, but when she feed her oso the same things i did not say anything eh. I dun wish to argue with her so i bear with it silently. During confinement she told my hubby she help me do, in the end she cook 1 dish and that is for both lunch and dinner. She say the food is enough for me. When i wanted to breastfeed my baby, she say i dun have enough milk, y must insist on breastmilk. Because of her, i feel so stressful.

Nw i am pregnant with my 2nd baby, but this time i insist she dun help me do confinement. And i told my husband that if he dun move out with me, den i will wait till our new hse ready in another 3 yrs den have baby. Finally he agreed and we are planning to move out to rent a flat alr. Hopefully my nightmare with MIL will be over soon, really hate to live with her. So i understand the feeling how the other mummies who have to tolerate silently with their MIL.
 
taslyn,

enjoy your home sweet home..can't wait for mine to b ready...

Alicia

You have made a right choice by moving out!It is better to live by ourselves than with IL's...I am glad that your hb agreed to move out!
MIL's have never gave us a chance to be mother!My MIL is a dictator at home,She has nvr encountered MIL staying with her as my hb's grandmother left them when very young!So,She has always be the Madame Of the House!
Very unfortunately,i have to move in and she expect more than ever from me!She must have had discussions eg."How to make you DIL a slave" with her sisters b4 treating me like this!Damn it man!She has her own maid but always use my maid n left me with no help!But when hb around...the maid always appear infront of me...can die rite?
So next mth i m going to move out!I had enough and i think my hb got it too!Cos my tolerant level has gone way out of reach!I have nvr wanted to put my HB in such situation but to save the marriage,i have to voice out!

God bless all mommies!All de best..
 
hi all mummies,

I am really taken aback by the posts. For malay family, there is no such thing as CL. Like most of u i am not really close to my mil. The thoughts of having her taking care of bb n me during confinement was unimaginable. However, it wasn't as bad a i thought it will b.I guess i am lucky coz i have both my mom n mil to take care of me during my confinement. And yes we do have our differences in terms of how to take care of my bb. My mil is stricter compared to my mom. But i am glad that she is willing to sit and listen to what i have to say. I guess communication really works in my case. In fact, i learned a few things from her.

In fact, after a month both my mom n mil went home. So, here i am taking care of my own boy whose already 3 mths old. After all this, i feel closer to my mil.
 
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