Working mother and home maid? frustrated?

seralee

New Member
hi to all the kind souls, anyone like me....feeling totally stressed out over being a full time working mother and stress over taking care of kids at home?
Please let me know..i need someone to pour my sorrow out.
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Sera,
Frustrated?? Ok lah, just feeling very tired most if the time since i am pregnant wif my 3rd kid now. But being a control freak, i am quite happy to noe what's going on in the whole household. Rather to be kept in the dark of everything bcos someone else is doing it.. be it maid or ILs. I used to have maids for a while, things get spoilt, areas dirty, kids not fed etc... And it will go unnoticed for few days to weeks.... So to me, i'm kind of happy wif this arrangement now.
However, most importantly, u need the help n understanding of ur hubby. Hubby was used to doing such chores b4 getting married. So he kind of understand wat i am going thru n try to help as much as possible (ok,, man, there is only so much they can do) But wif hubby understanding, n his constant reassurance that it is fine that the hse is bit dirty now, i am doing a great job and he totally appreciates what i am doing... I guess, it wasn't so bad after all.
What's tyour frustration now? See, if i can help.
 
hihi
I am FTWM with 2 kids, 4 yrs and 2mths, currently on maternity but report to office every monday still.... I got a helper, but elder prefers me and I have to tend to her once I am off work, take sweets, pass urine, on TV, clean face, bathe... every single thing is done by me.

Hb is not much help as he often works late, by the time he is back, we are all asleep. Now I got to juggle 2...wonder how it would be like when I return to work full time after ML finishes. Will have to take day by day...

How abt you? Is work stress too high? How many kids you have? Any helper? Can consider getting PT ones to help out with household chores... When I didnt have a maid, I used to DIY, but I have learnt to let go, the house wasnt that neat & tidy. I chose clothes that doesnt require ironing. HB got clothes to last for 2 weeks, so i only do ironing once a week then.
 
I am FTWM with 2 kids, 4 yrs and 20months. Got a helper but both kids prefer me. They are (including maid) with my mum during daytime but the moment i got home, they will stick to me. Especially my young boy, i even got to put him on my lap while i am taking my dinner. After dinner, we head home. Got to coach my elder gal for her homework, by the time she finishs, its abt their bedtime. Change them to PJs, prepare milk and reading time. I have to wait till they sleep then able to go for shower in peace.

Hb is not able to help much as he often works late, even he is at home earlier, i still got to attend to them as my boy still closer to me than hb. I survived for 7wks without helper, doing all housework by own after my children go to sleep.
 
Wah Linda, you got 2nd one liao. I still too scared to have another one leh. Scared of pregnancy complications and the after process of taking care of newborn. I also FTWM with 1 kid 2.5 yr old. No maid, also have to ferry kid to/fro MIL house. I have a part-time helper who comes alternate week to clean my house. So at least after my son sleep I just do light housework and watch DVD at night. I can't imagine if I have another baby again, I gotta forgo my precious sleep. I still remember last time to have even full 4 hours of sleep is a blessing!

Kudos to all mummies!
 
Hi! I am a stay home mom to three kids.. 7 yrs, 5 yrs and 3 yrs. No maid as I find sometimes they are more trouble than help..
Yes, do get frustrated sometimes especially when kids misbehave or fight! And I feel bored too especially when hubby always works late or on business trips. I guess if you feel frustrated, then try to outsource somethings that can be outsourced.. Like getting a part time help to do the major housework or ordering tingkat for meals. I cooked only lunch and had dinner delivered. It was such a relief not cooking in the afternoons. My elder gal is in P1 afternoon session. While my younger ones take their naps, I can do the housework. One chore at a time.. Maybe its cleaning the floor on mondays, laundry on tues, then you won't feel so stretched. And I can always take a short break like catching up on a book while they are still sleeping. You can do it!
 
I'm a frustrated wife, but a happy mummy.

My husband is a filial son, but a lousy daddy & husband. He never help out the house chores even when I'm pregnant. Imagine, I'm into my 3rd trimester and still have to sweep & mop the floor, wash the clothes, wash the toilet etc. He has never change diaper for my boy before. He only knows how to play with him, but when he pee on him, he will drop my boy and quickly run to the toilet to clean himself.

I'm lucky to have a good maid at home. She is a good helper, and my boy likes her very much. Everywhere I go now, I will bring my maid and my boy along. My husband always complain why I bring the maid everywhere I go, he prefers to let my maid stay at home to do house chores. While I prefer to take her along as she can help to look after my boy. My husband does not help me at all.
 
hi apple.
my hubby same as yours. That is why i am still stuck here staying with my mother in law and unmarried older sister in law. Maid also has attitidue problem. Like to sar-kar mother in law and sister in law and hubby.

I am working full time but everyone takes me for granted that i take care of kids once i get home. So now, my relationship with mother-in-law and sister-in-law is so bad that i don;t even talk to them. My hubby knows but he chose to ignore.

Also, my elder kid going pri 1. I did not get in the choice of my school. Went balloting and I am the only one not chosen. How suey can that be.

My work also stress now bec it is closing. colleague leaving and i really don't feel happy.

what else can i do...my hubby don;t even care if i am happy or sad, and i don;t dare to tell my parents bec i worry they will worry abt me.
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how??!!!!
 
We are of the same fate. I also have problems with my PIL. I tried talking to my hubby, but always end up quaralling as he always sides his own family. When I go home everyday, I will stay in my boy's room, play and then sleep together with him and my maid. I have not been sleeping in the master bedroom for 1 year already.

I already give up on my husband, but not to the extend of divoicing him. I try to talk less at home to avoid conflicts. As long as I reach home, my boy smiles and hugs me, I'll be happy.
 
Hi Sera and Apple,
At times I also feel like you, whenever I feel neglected by my hubby or after quarreling with him or when I feel very tired from having to juggle family and work. I think we mummies sometimes tend to make the mistake of putting our kids first before our husbands. Perhaps its time to leave our kids with the maid/PIL and have some couple time. Go to the movies, have a nice dinner or evem go for a 3D2N holiday somewhere. Don't let work stress affect your marriage. Even if month end closing, don't care! Just take leave, go for a break. Recently I've been rather unhappy because I miss spending time with my son, simple things like bathing him, cooking for him, etc. I tend to grumble at my hubby and end up arguing. I want to take leave but want to reserve my leave for more urgent matters. Honestly, I intend to take MC tomorrow to "geng" work and stay at home with my son. I also told my hubby to come home early so that we can spend some family time together.

Try writing a letter to your hubby and tell him how you feel. Guys can be quite stupid. You keep quiet, they think there is no problem. I just told my hubby that recently he treat me badly, tell him that he owe me a 8 course dinner at Club Chinois.

Sera,
Don't give yourself so much stress over your elder son not getting into your choice school. Who knows in the future, your son may not be able to keep up with the fast pace in that school, or is not happy in that school. Or that school close down! hahaha. Think of those unfortunate kids who can't even attend primary school.

Be happy and positive!
 
Sera lee

i can emphathis with u with regards to mth end closing.. every mth end closing i can feel my heart beating fast, and taking leave is simply out of qns..
 
Hi Apple, Java and stella,
I'm so glad you all feel same way as me...shows that I am still normal..haha

you know, sometimes during my quiet time, i think to myself, and i feel it is all worth it. I;m very close to my kids, and i enjoy every moment with them. So, sometimes, i feel worth it to sacrifice my hubby..haha

Actually part of my problem is my inlaws...i just cannot stand the sight of them now...dun know why..everytime see them, my heart will beat very fast, and i get angry easily..imagine that, and i am staying with them...sigh

that;s why i told myself. In future when my kids are married, i will not stay with them. Bec i don;t want my future daughter-in-law to hate me the way i hate my inlaws now.

ha...
 
Sera,

Why don't you ask your hubby to get a home of your own? Any reason? I also would not like to stay with my in-laws. We stay separately from them, but close enough for us to send my son to/fro MIL place. My MIL is very particular about cleanliness. During my confinement, I stayed with her for awhile. She don't even allow me to use a sterilizer in her home, as she say her kitchen not enough table space. She prefer to use the old method to boil the bottles. Her way of taking care of my son is very old fashioned. No doubt she takes good care of him, but I won't want to stay with her. Recently a few of my frens sold of their flat to make a bundle from the current property boom. They are staying with their in-laws to wait till the property price drop again, then buy a new home. I told my hubby that a profit of $155K will not entice me to stay with my in-laws.

Sometimes I also think like you. Feel like bringing my son away and we can survive well without my hubby. But of course we all know the effects of single parenthood on a child.
 
Hi Java,
we do have a HDB, but we rent it out.
Initially I agreed to stay with my in law is bec she has many health issue and my hubby is the only male in this house. FIL has passed away. If I dun stay with her, then what happen if she is sick and my sil is on biz trip. Initially i too nice lah
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Then now i suffer...haha

When we want to register my kid in pri 1, my hubby say no point we get another house around the school bec now housing is too expensive. sigh.
 
Hi java,

We are thinking of getting another HDB. But I don;t think my hubby will ever move out. He is 200% a mummy;s boy.

So I am really stuck here man...
 
Hi Java,

Actually, my problem is not about me putting my boy 1st before my hubby. The problem already exist before my boy is born.

My husband is a very selfish person, he always draw a line where money is concern.

(1) He drives the car, but I have to pay half the installment as he claims that he uses the car to ferry my parents during weekends. I protested, but he threatened to pass the car back to me since the car is registered under my name.

(2) I paid about $2000 for the extra wedding photos, because I wanted it not him.

(3) He grumbles up till now because my mum wanted $888 "Pin Jin"

(4) I have to pay the hospital bill for my boy & myself just because I have more medisave than him.

(5) My hubby did not buy any clothes for my boy up till now.

(5) I pay more than $2000 to hire his mum for confinement. I thought own family won't ask for so much. And what do I get in return, lots of conflicts. Imagine I have bathe my boy all by myself just 1 week after my c-section. I sleep only 3-4 hrs a day, because I have to keep an eye on my MIL incase she use a wrong method to take care of my boy.

(6) His mum asked for $800/mth to take care my boy from Mon - Fri. I did not agree, it's cheaper to hire a maid.

(6) I have to pay his mum $200 meal allowance because sometimes his mum cook for us. For goodness sake, his mum cooks probably only 2-3 times a month only.

I feel that his whole family including him is taking advantage of me. There are so much unhappiness, I can write a storybook. I did try to have a heart to heart talk with him, but it does not work out. He is too stubborn to listen. Up till today, he still do not treat me and my parents as one family.

I have matured over the years, I know I cry father cry mother also no use. So I choose to stay very low profile at home, learn not to talk so much. My boy keeps me going, I'm so happy to have such a loveable boy.
 
hi Java
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Good to see you here. Wow, your son so big boy already. Time to think about having another... We always feel we have no time...but hor, our hearts will be able to give more than you think. Kids are the best things in life that comes free... I find it easier to cope with a 2nd time newborn than #1... and I am not the patient kind lor... so I believe u can too.

Hi sera and apple
Men can be really irritating... hahaha..they seemed to think we women can do everything lor.. Work, come home take care of kids, do household chores etc... But the society has been such since donkey years..there are some SNAGs around but too bad we didnt married them.

Jave is right.. communication is very impt. I shall not go into details but I have been thru lousy patch of marriage life for abt 2-3 years after the birth of my girl.. We survive it thru and now we are MUCH MUCH MUCH happier. Communicate more and NEVER give up... I didnt cos I didnt want to live the rest of my life like then. I dun want to live in bitter and wait till my kids turn 25 and then divorce my hb due to a complete breakdown in communication.
 
hey apple, my situation very similar to yours. My mil get allowance from us by headcount...eg 1 head is $300, so me, hubby, maid, 2 kids is 1,500 per mth. Imagine half of my GROSS salary goes to her.
when i first discharge from hospital, i also had to bath kids, make milk (day and night). Initially ask maid to take care but end up she cannot wake up next morning, then kana scolding from in-laws. sigh
 
hi,
I am a FWTM with 2 kids (5 and 3). I don't have a maid, and my hub works overseas. Somehow I manage. For me, certain things you just need to let go.

I feel that having some sort of schedule helps. Mornings are a struggle, so I reward my kids if they keep on time. For my son, he attends enrichment classes. So he knows he gets the computer only on Sat. And monday to friday evenings. The schedule is when we get home, which is around 8+. It is homework time, revise his english enrichment lessons. Followed by me teaching him to read in chinese, then read to the kids. Every night we follow this schedule. But sometimes, they still drive me up the wall.

I am trying to educate my kids on helping to clean up after themselves. And I only have time to mop the place during the weekends. The place is not perfectly clean, but it is livable. ehehhe
 
I'm a FTWM. It's nice to know that you're not alone. And it's quite scary to know that there're so many unhappy wives and mothers around.

Of the lot, I sympathise with apple most. My husband is also a selfish person when it comes to money. He even keeps his pay bracket from me. And there's no allowance to speak of. I'm pregnant with the second child and I have thoughts about giving her up for adoption. I don't know how I'm going to cope with two kids, and the monetary demands. Although he's said he'll support the second child (since he's not supporting the first one), I don't think it'll come true.

For housework, the house is always messy and dirty. I had to mop the house and do laundry when I was spotting in my first trimester. He always says he'll get a helper but it never comes true.

My parents are my pillars of support. They help me take care of my kid when I go to work at a very nominal allowance. My mother will definitely take care of me during my confinement without being explicitly spelled out.
 
Hi mommies,
I am blessed with 4 kids. My eldest is entering Pri 1. I went through a fair share of all your frustrations and still am. I guess we will never really run out of our own frustrations. Having help and trusting that help is very important. We have a maid but we share the chores. Taking care of all 4 in a day is handful enough. I guess, for me, the frustration is between continuing to work FT or dump all to see to the kids. With all that is happening around us, giving up child minding to the maid is not wise. As for housework and all that, it all must begin with communication - like some of you mommies mentioned in here. And no love is treaded without a fair bit of ugly scenes. But objective of having kids and raising them must be aligned so husband and wife becomes a strong collaboration.
 
Very upset when I was reading this thread. I was watching a TVB drama last night and this guy was giving advice to his ex-girl friend whom she was having relationship problem with her exisiting boy friend. He told her "There are two options. If you can accept his behaviour, accept it and live with it. If you can't, the best is break off."

Its a matter of how one can tolerate your partner and if its worth to do it. Maybe going thru a counsellor would help to pull back the relationship.

No matter what, I believe there is a limit and we must learn to say NO and voice out our thinking. Sure there is room for discussion, cannot be always one party to give in and accept everything. We are no longer the women of the olden times.

Love is the chemistry that bring couples together. If there is no love, no point staying together for the sake of the children. If there is still a spark of love exists, then should try to revivie the spark. Children should not be the bridge that bring the couples together, it should be the love.

These are just my own thoughts, sorry if I have offended anybody. But its sad to see women suffering for the family.
 
Hi, so sorry to read that many women are unhappy in their marriage.. But I guess all men are the same. I read in the papers recently that working moms want their hubbies to take a more active role in parenting and housework, so I know I am not alone. I went through the same frustrations as all of you out there.. except maybe the MIL part as I refused to stay with my parents in laws. Yes, I cannot tahan my MIL so I leave all communication to go through hubby and minimize contact with her though we bring the kids to see them every Sat. As for hubby, thank God that he is not stingy with money as he passed most of his pay packet to me when I stopped work this year.. But I can never expect him to help with the housework and yes, I was still mopping the floors and scrubbing toilets in my last months of pregnancies for all my three kids.. Communication is key here and I pray to my God whenever I feel lousy. I spoke out in frustration during our church camp recently and hubby was so shocked that I was so unhappy.. So God changed him and he try to help out with the kids, and God healed my hurt and bitterness too. I still feel the frustrations sometimes but I know God is still working in our lives.. Maybe you can try talking to him too..
 
hi mommies,

just stumbled on this thread. sometimes I wonder the reason for unhappiness or a hands-off dh is because we are too capable.

housework, cooking, child brearing, taking care of children & ILs, even climbing the coporate ladder, we seems to be able to handle it if we have to and i was thinking perhaps becaus of this, our DH are 'spoilt' into thinking there's no need to contribute in the house or take care of our feelings...

I was looking at my mom & dad, both working, both contributing, mom was quite successful, but now that the children are big, relationship between spouse is a bit battered & torn, even though everyone stays under the same roof...

reflecting on ourselves, (tongue in cheek), maybe we should just 'pretend' don't know how to do this or that, so that our dear marcho DH can help out.

I had a senior, before wedding already made very very clear, no housework for her, all her birthday & wedding anniversay must celebrate with bling bling presents, even when kids came along, DH was still scrubbing the toilets, the only thing she compromised was to allow MIL to stay together, so DH also got nothing to say against her. and she is a high flyer now with 3 children!!

not sure if I am making sense here, but just some thoughts..
jm2c

harriet
 
hi all mummies.. looks like I am in the right thread.. I am a working mummy with one 4yr old..i think lots of mummies faces the same thing..
1. a hubby who doesn't help much around in the house and kids.. my hubby doesn't even bath my boy and i handles all hsechore when i was preg till now!
2. Yes, I can't stand my MIL either! bt thank god we don't stay together!!
3. stress from work. nearly got fired from work becos i was having a tough time during preg!
4. endless housework
5. stress from managing kids..

I was really having a hard time when i was preg.. vomit everyday, morning and night.. suffer backaches.. can't sleep properly, insomina.. MIL made a whole hell of problems during my confinment and that's when all the conflicts started.. She even made life difficult for my mum who was helping with my confinement.. and becos of MIL, me and hubby quarelling all the time!!

Thank god I have a great mum! And things are improving..
 
I'm glad I found this thread. Like all of you, I'm pretty unhappy with my current situation too. Sometimes, I wish I'd remained single.
 
well.. i guess it's all parts and parcel of life! now that we are married and with kids, we just have to learn and take it easy.. esp being a mummy in this current times is not an easy task.. many of us have to manage work, family and the endless housework...
 
Hey Mums! Chins up! Nothing beats seeing the smile on the faces of your little ones. It is tough but I am sure you are doing a good job! Here's a salute to all of you!
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to Apple,
wao...for me,I will go mad.how r u now?
for mummies,
My situation now is very good.cos I am a part timer,I ,my husband and my MIL take turn to take k,my husband dote on me so much.I also got a lot of time to do my housework.just only i cant c my daughter everyday.
 
Now then I realised that I am not the only one with this low EQ husband. I am also in the same situation with most of you but lucky thing that I insist not to stay with MIL in the very begining. I guess is not a good idea to have a mummy's son to be a husband after all. cos that make them a bad husband!!
 
Hi. I am a 22 year old single mother. I have a son aged 1 years old. I'm working as a waitress now. My mother took care of my son. Currently we are staying at one of our relative's house because my mother do not have a house. My parents divorced last year. My mother tried to apply a rental house from HDB but she could not get any because both my mother and father had bought and sold their house 2 times. I tried to apply a rental house for myself and my son. But they told me I should either produce a divorce certificate or marriage certificate. I have none of those certificates. So how? I mean I can afford to pay the rent. I just need a rental house for me, my son and mother to stay. Any idea where I can get help?
 
I've tried that. They can't do anything. Any other sources other than MP? If I were to look for a room, not rented by HDB, it would be expensive because they go by headcount. I earn only 1K+. It's not enough. I'm still asking my friends if they are going to rent a room. My budget is 300 to 400. Any other place or organisation I can go to ask for help?
 
Hi Maybel
I can understand the fix that you are in. My heart goes out to you. Why don't you highlight your plight by writing to the straits time forum so that you can get the notice of the neccessary authorities, who maybe can change sone of the silly policies that they have in place? I wish i can help more though.....
 
Hi Maybel,
I emphatize with you. Your situation is really difficult to handle. I agree with Fang. Probably if you write about your condition you can attract the attention of authorities who are supposed to help you solve your problem.
 
Hi,

I am a working mum running my own recruitment agency specialising in placement of engineers in the oil & gas industry.

I am wondering if anyone of you or know of anyone who is also a stay at home mum but might be interested to take up a part time accounting role in my office.

I currently have a jnr accounts assistant but she is not able to cope with some of the more difficult task. Hence I am looking for an accountant with experience who can provide guidance to the assistant and also check on the work. However this does not require a full time role as the volume of work is not large.

you will probably need to come in 2 half days a week on normal weeks and maybe slightly more often duriing closing period.

We are a 10 men office and 6 of us in the office has got children below 12 years of age. We are a pro-family organisation and I am flexible / open to the work arrangements.

our office is located in Clarke Quay (5 mins walk from Clarke Quay MRT station), standard working hours are Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm.

Interested please contact me at
[email protected]

you can view more about our company at www.jadeclover.com
 

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